It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
