people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
