I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
