I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
