Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize