if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
