first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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