You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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