Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
