OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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