Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
