theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
