She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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