She is in my trunk
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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