Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize