my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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