WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
