Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
