Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
