mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
