im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize