Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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