Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
