he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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