I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
