i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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