Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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