Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
