Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
