The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
