You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
