Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
