the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
