Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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