he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
