Pants 0. Shit 1.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
