So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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