what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
