Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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