there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
