Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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