i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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