that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
