this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
