i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
