please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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