Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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