Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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