shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
