I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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