im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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