ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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