i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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