I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
