K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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