My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
