This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
