I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
